18/03/2020
I was working from home today due to COVID-19 and he had to work .. He got back from a surfing trip (I think) last weekend where he messaged me lots and made me feel pretty happy . I was waiting for him to come home for us to be close again and to sit down and have a nice little chat but we still couldn’t . I tried to understand him but I don’t think he ever did get me. At this point in time I know he doesn’t love or care about me at all. He just “tolerate” me.. It really hurts me when he raise his voice at me ... it really does ...When he raise his voice at me and yell at me it makes me feel the most helpless and loneliest ever ... it breaks my heart everytime . Even to date, the min he raise his voice at me, I burst in to tears. Every single time ... He would never stop yelling because I’m hurting . He would never say don’t cry ... that’s why I feel that much lonely ... I got no one to say things will be ok and don’t cry ... no one really care about me ...
I always cry alone ... I just wish I was never been born ... I’m so so lonely ...
